BREAKING: Ron Hextall Wanted For Crimes Against Humanity

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Breaking News delivered to you first from Pattison Ave dot com: Flyers General Manager Ron Hextall is wanted by local authorities in the Philadelphia area. This news broke shortly after Ron Hextall sent forward Zac Rinaldo to the Boston Bruins in exchange for a 2017 third round draft pick.

The Philadelphia Police department released the following statement:

No straight-thinking general manager in the NHL would trade a third round draft choice for a player who has 24 points and 572 penalty minutes in 223 NHL games. We were already heavily suspect of Hextall after he obtained two valuable assets for Nicklas Grossmann this weekend, but this is the icing on the cake. To steal from well respected former NHLer Don Sweeney is completely uncalled for, and Hextall is going to be going away for a long time.

For the Flyers, this trade is a huge win unless it gets overturned in court. They shed a useless player who was signed on for another two seasons, and actually receive a somewhat valuable asset in return. Don Sweeney continues to one-up himself in an infamous four day stretch of terror, and Hextall continues to dominate as he looks to prepare the Flyers for future success. It’s just a shame that he crossed the line here and could be going away for it. We will keep you posted.