9 Flyers Coaching Candidates Who Are Better Than Randy Carlyle

(Photo: MapleLeafsHotStove)

(Photo: MapleLeafsHotStove)

With the Flyers playoff chances becoming slimmer each day, a lot of discussion has centered around whether or not Craig Berube is worth keeping around, and who could potentially replace him. While the newly unemployed Randy Carlyle might seem like an attractive option, there are many reasons that the Flyers should stay away from him. Rather than discuss those reasons, lets take a look at 9 options that would be a better fit here in Philadelphia

1. Dan Bylsma

Bylsma’s record with the Penguins speaks for itself. He has won a Stanley Cup, participated in another, and led the Penguins to 252 wins in 401 regular seasons games. While his playoff record in recent years has often been criticized, I would argue that extremely poor goaltending was the main reason for the Penguins’ postseason struggles. Disco Dan has also used some of his time off to study some analytics, which is an encouraging thing to hear from a coach in todays NHL.

2. An Ostrich

Ostriches are known for having gigantic necks. Craig Berube is only 6′ 2”, while an ostrich can grow to be almost 7 feet tall! Wow!!! This would allow the coach to get a better view of the ice so he could notice things that a good coach should notice, such as Nicklas Grossmann playing extremely bad hockey every single night.

After a recent 5 game losing streak during which the Flyers game averaged 4 goals against per game, I spoke to an ostrich about the Flyers defense. He responded with the following statement:

Wroooooooo WRooooooOOO WRooooooooooooo HssS Hsssss

When asked the same question, Craig Berube answered:

I think we played well on this road trip. I look defensively, I think we’ve done a real good job.

I’d say that in this situation, the ostrich provided a much more logical answer.

3. Barack Obama

If he can lead an entire country, he can clearly lead one moderately talented hockey team. In a recent interview with CSN Philadelphia, and he had the following to say:

I am so freaking sick of Nick Grossmann getting a lot of ice time in Philly. I got enough stress in my life with this whole North Korea thing. I don’t need to turn on the TV when I get home and see this sh*t. If I were to coach, I’d change the approach to defense. I could also make an executive order to fire Zac Rinaldo into space, which would be p cool.

He could also stealthily transport the Flyers on Air Force One during the holiday break next year. They could even leave on Christmas Day to go to Nashville and get there 2 full days early this time! They would be so rested that they’d clearly win the game! LOL!

4. My Grandmother

My grandmother cooks the BEST damn linguini with clam sauce, and would be willing to do this for the team on a nightly basis. She also gives the best hugs. A well fed and loved team will play with more heart on the ice. Lack of heart has notedly been the biggest problem with the Flyers this season. I asked her about the position and you can view the conversation below.

Screen Shot 2015-01-06 at 8.53.56 PM

5. Ron Wilson

Ron Wilson has a healthy resume of NHL experience. Aside from leading the Sharks to three 100+ point seasons, he has been to both a Stanley Cup final and a conference final. The Maple Leafs possession numbers were significantly better under Wilson than they ever were under Carlyle. Wilson is a safe bet that will assuredly be better than Craig Berube or Randy Carlyle.

6. Mr. Dink from Doug 

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Mr. Dink is a very innovative thinker who is always looking to invent new and useful items. Perhaps he could use his talents to invent a device that would stop the Flyers from getting cut by skates, which has happened all the damn time lately. He also has a partiality to very expensive items. When asked about the Flyers roster, he replied “Andrew MacDonald and Vincent Lecavalier. Very expensive.”

Dink would be the first purple person to coach in the NHL, so this would be a nice PR move for the Flyers.

7. David Boreanaz

Noted Flyers fan David Boreanaz would be a better choice than both Berube and Carlyle. He has already offered some important ideas on the Flyers this season, including the tweet captured below.

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Craig Berube is working to obtain superstar junior Connor McDavid stealthily through decisions like scratching Luke Schenn in favor of MacDonald or Grossmann. Instead of making extremely poor personnel decisions in an attempt to lose on purpose, Boreanaz is much more honest about his plans for the franchise.

8. Two Different Chickens

The Flyers should look to add at least one and maybe even two chickens to their coaching staff for next year. Here is a Venn diagram comparing chickens with Randy Carlyle

Screen Shot 2015-01-06 at 10.53.01 PM

Just one of many reasons that the Flyers should opt for chickens instead of Carlyle.

This would help the Flyers branch out and experiment with the multi-coach strategy recently adopted by the Devils. One chicken could coach the forwards while the other one handles the defensive corps. Andrew MacDonald clearly hasn’t had success in learning how to break up zone entries from humans. Maybe all that he’s needed this whole time was to hear it from chickens instead!

9. A Yumbo

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Hot ham and cheese featuring delicious black forest ham topped with creamy mayonnaise on a toasted roll! The BK Yumbo is one of the strongest candidates here. Because it is a delicious sandwich and not a living entity, it is incapable of doing things like scratching Jake Gardiner or using RJ Umberger on the power play! This means that it would be a step up from Carlyle or Berube! At an affordable price of $3.69, it is clearly the most affordable option on the market today! Stop in and grab one!

Let me know which candidate you think is best on Twitter! (@NHLFlyera) Lets get some productive discussion going!




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