Half-Assessment Week 2: Eagles vs. Cowboys

Perhaps the best play of the day. (Photo by Matt Rourke/AP Photo via ESPN)

Perhaps the best play of the day. (Photo by Matt Rourke/AP Photo via ESPN)

My god was that bad. I’ve seen the Eagles get the crap kicked out of them by the Cowboys in the past and those games were somehow more watchable than the pile of trash we saw in South Philly on Sunday.

Through two games, the Birds simply don’t have their shit together. They look disorganized. They look sloppy. They’re not ready for school even though they’re two weeks in. Get your shit together and stop binge-watching the Breaking Bad ‘til 3 AM every night. You’re a grown-ass man now. You can do better!



Sam Bradford looked amazing in the preseason. At last, an accurate Eagles quarterback! Since the games started counting, however, we have only seen a few flashes of that Bradford. If his young receivers aren’t dropping catchable passes, Bradford is missing them by a mile. Nobody seems to be on the same page. Frustrations with Bradford seemed to reach their peak when he fumbled a snap when the line wasn’t ready even though it should have been called a false start. Does anyone understand what the hell happened there? It got so bad on Sunday that I seriously thought that throwing Sanchez in there wouldn’t be a bad idea. Mark Sanchez! That’s what this world has come to.

A large part of the problem is the complete lack of a run game. DeMarco Murray isn’t being given any room back there. A north-south runner in Kelly’s scheme is great if he’s actually given running space. Murray is getting the ball and immediately getting dog-piled on by defenders. 11 yards in 2 games!? Is that a real number? Ryan Mathews has 4 yards. The only one that has been able to do anything in that backfield is tiny Darren Sproles. That’s hardly surprising considering Darren Sproles is the man, however he has had to use every ounce of his shiftiness and speed to get those yards.

The offensive line simply isn’t getting it done right now. It was painful listening to Troy Aikman ask why the Eagles let go of Evan Mathis and Todd Herremans. It’s a valid question. The main hope is that this current group is just lacking cohesion and chemistry at this point and that they just don’t flat out suck. We know the Jasons Peters and Kelce are great, and Lane Johnson is at least solid, but Barbre and Gardner are troublesome at this point. I think the official term for the offense through these first 2 games is “shit show”. Perhaps it’s time for some group activities, like a 5-person tandem bicycle or trust falls. Synergy! Corporate office stuff!



The defense really gave it their best in this one, but they didn’t stand a chance considering they spent most of the game on the field. They gave the offense every opportunity to capitalize and turn this game into an important divisional win. These guys are gassed. They’re the friend helping you move all the heavy stuff while you spend three hours trying to figure out how to plug in your toaster. The defense managed 3 sacks on Tony Romo against a much-hyped Cowboy offensive line and it was all for naught. It’s frustrating to watch. They’re handling it better than I would, which would consist of grumbling under my breath and passive aggressive comments in passing. 

The worrisome aspect of the defense is Byron Maxwell. Opposing quarterbacks seem to actively be targeting the Eagles’ top cornerback. He was scorched by Julio Jones in week 1. Terrance Williams scored a key touchdown with Maxwell guarding him. Is it a matter of Maxwell adjusting to the top spot? Who the hell knows, but he needs to make opposing QBs pay if they’re going to throw his way. 


Next Week

The Eagles travel up to North Jersey to take on the New York Jets. The Jets are 2-0 after shutting down Andrew Luck and the Colts on Monday Night Football. They’ve got this Revis guy who’s got an island named after him or something. If you think the offense has been ugly so far, I can’t imagine it’s going to get much better against a defense that has only allowed 17 points through 2 games. On top of that, the Jets have early season competent Ryan Fitzpatrick going with Brandon Marshall and Eric Decker at his disposal. The Birds need a win badly, even in their cruddy division where the best team’s two best players are out for the next two months. Will this be the week? It’s not looking good. Buuuut, they are the Jets. If anyone knows how to screw something like this up, it’s them.


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